Working so late is great for me in some ways, but it takes me away from you. Its lonely. 3 hours together per day is torture. I hate this job, but it pays the bills. I can never express how much I love you or how lucky I am to have you and I doubt I'll ever fully have the means to. I hope you know I think about you all the time when youre gone, and that you're the reason I love my life. Thank you for all you do for me. I miss you.
I laid in bed with my laptop on my chest for hours. I feel very blessed to look to my left and see my love resting peacefully. My life has changed so much (for the better) in these past few months. Our home is coming along, we are making ends meet, and most of all, we are happy. I am blessed. On a much less serious note, I posted my first animation to github. maybe someone will like it enough to use it on their own site. Could not find a decent retro terminal style anywhere, so I ended up making it.
Snowed in again today. Had a lovely Valentines with my favourite person! We had a wonderful dinner at a restaraunt neither of us have ever been, and then came home to renovate our home. I had a lovely day, and am very thankful to have someone so special in my life. I thought of an idea for when I get back to school; I could make a study website to help me and my classmates out. Cue cards and helpful links, possibly study guides, etc. Maybe I'd make some friends doing it.
After a couple days away from working on the site, I've realised I dont have any ideas at the moment. I want to do more, but I just dont know what to do. Today, I will be spending time with my love, but I think a remodel might be due for the website. I find the black and white fairly plain and want to add some color.
General mood today has been pretty good honestly. I just wish that I could spend my time doing something creative. I feel stuck. I've been working on this paper for awhile now that covers the effects of short form content addiction. probably one of those things people are tired of hearing about, but the research I have done has genuinely made me wary of watching reels for hours on end. I really do notice a difference in how I function without short form content, but its actually insane to me how easy it has become to -without even thinking- open up reels while I'm looking at static posts. Caught myself today.
I didn't get much done yesterday to the site, I ended up leaving the office and finding comfort in writing a song in DADGAD tuning on the Gretsch. After I finished, I felt much more at peace. I reminded myself that there are still options for me to persue the path I want. Almost immediatly after I had finished that thought, I recieved a call that reassured me there are still options. I just need to muddle through.
Trying to find the motivation to do something creative today, just got word that the program I had hoped would pay for my university tuition only applies to students going in for community college. Feeling defeated, as I cant afford med school out of pocket with no car and a long commute. With all the hurdles I have had to jump through just to get to the position I'm in now, I feel like maybe the universe doesn't want me to go this route. I feel stuck, I have nothing.
More time to work on my project today! I will be snowed in for the next few days according to the weather forecast. I am feeeling peaceful watching snow fall outside my office window. Today, I'm going to get the sketches page up and running.
I think it would be really cool to animate little creatures that pop up randomly on the site when certain corners of the site are accessed. I also want to make a Magic 8 Ball somewhere on the site. Maybe mini games if I get really ambitious. I am feeling excited for the future and what I may create! I have work at 2:00, so this will have to wait, but it will be in the back of my mind until I can continue.
Finally geting around to making this website. I do not intend for folks to really spend any time here, this is just a place to call my own. I struggle to find motivation at times, and maybe if I remind myself how important it is to create as a human, maybe I can pull myself out of whatever hole I find myself in next. If you're reading this, thanks for visiting ❤︎